Culinary Phail.

Dude. I've racked up nearly three months of radio silence. It's a little confusing, because I have cooked a lot since December. And not just shrimp. (But yeah, mostly shrimp.) I have so many pics I'm just going to shove them all in one post (that's not what she said), starting from most recent--yesterday, actually--and moving backwards. I just ate my body weight in palek paneer and lamb korma and mint gelato, so this is going to be quick--I need to roll myself to bed.




DONE. Just kidding. I'm not in the habit of serving raw fish. Je deteste Monsieur E Coli. Basically, I steamed the garlic-rubbed salmon + lemon slices + tomatoes + basil in little aluminum "bags" (i.e. I folded the aluminum over the fish. Why pretend this is any fancier than it actually is?). I think they cooked for 20 minutes, but I could also be making that up.



Aerial view. It's like being in a helicopter, only we're hunting delicious food instead of serial killers!




Done for real. The salmon was really well cooked--nice and flaky. The problem was that I put too many lemons in the packets, so a lot of the juice pooled around the fish. It was kind of too much. Next time: less lemons, and maybe some other veggie besides tomatoes. I served it with a lemon-parm salad (a-may-zing dressing, recipe later) and couscous.

Meal #2: Pasta with Shrimp and Basil Vinaigrette.



If you're noticing a basil trend, you're super astute. I just bought a new plant. Anyway, this was delicious and spring-y and light. I normally loathe zucchini, but this was v. manageable.



Okay so here is the most amazing salad dressing on the planet (all measurements are approximate. because I'm, well, me.):

1/4 cup of finely grated parm (Repeat after me: I will not use parm from a can. I will not use parm from a can. I will not use parm from a can.)
2 tb lemon juice
lemon zest
5 tb olive oil
pepper and salt

Yummmmm. Also I added pine nuts. Because I'm a nut freak. (and no. she didn't say that, either.)



It's strawberry season. Be jealous.



I honestly have no idea what this is. It looks a little gross, but I'm sure it was pretty good. I only take out the camera when I mean business. I'm pretty sure I breaded chicken, carmelized some onions, and dumped my newest obsession (mediterranean couscous from the local Bmore deli--so much oil and chickpeas and cranberries!) on some lettuce. This is pretty typical dorm fare, when I have time to cook.




This was part of the table on New Years. I think the recipes for all these dishes are in the previous post.



Shrimp two ways. (I know, I know. This is Kitchen Exhibitionism, not Shrimp Exhibitionism. But whatever. It's my fall-back comfort. I'll get over it eventually.) This is shrimp with pineapple-corn relish and yogurt. It was nice and sweet and bright. I have to stop describing all my food in triple adjective series. Seriously and honestly and for reals.



Salad with avocado-feta salsa. I can't think of anything witty to say about this.



Chilled bloody mary shrimp! I forgot what exactly I put in the sauce (bloody mary mix, because I am a cheater; ketchup; pepper; tabasco sauce; vodka; ??), but it was seriously yummy.




A pear with some tapenade (ingredients below), crackers, brie, and apple-mustard butter. (OMG I nearly drank this stuff. just regular ole apple butter with some dijon. amazing.)



All you have to do is cut and smash all the garlic and olives (black, green stuffed, and kalamata) together, add pepper and salt, and pour in the olive oil until you form a paste. The consistency is better if you stick it in the fridge for a bit. De-lish.



Full plate. The thing in the lower right corner is a zuchinni cake. They were good, though they sort of exhibited the first child effect, where batch #1 was kind of a mess. I fried them in too much oil at first, but then I learned from my mistakes. Just like your parents.



Lemon cake with glaze.




Lemon cake and peppermint whipped cream. Nothing more important than real whipped cream (cancer cures and love aside).

Well that was a nice trip down digestive lane. I'll be back soon, hopefully with less shrimp and better jokes. But ummm don't count on it.

I love plans.

New Years Eve Dinner!
Theme: Apps

Menu:

• Zucchini Cakes
• Cheese plate with pears, crackers, and mustard-apple butter
• Tapenade
• Chilled Bloody Mary shrimp
• Grilled shrimp with pineapple-corn relish
  
• Salad with avocado-feta salsa
• Lemon cake with whipped cream and strawberries
• Chocolate griddle cakes with orange glaze

oooh I'm so excited!! Can you tell?

Here's what I've been cooking recently:




I've become obsessed with butternut squash. It's delish and seasonal and good for you (hypothetically, anyway. I usually add enough butter to turn "good for you" into "good for your lovehandles."). I do a couple of different purees/mashes: sometimes I add a little bit of maple syrup and cinammon, sometimes ginger, sometimes cream.



Carrots seared with beer! (That's yogurt on top. Just wanted to. . .clear that up.)



LASAGNA. I'm can now legitimately call myself an Italian.



I also made these sort of amazing stand-in croutons that are invisible in this picture. I rolled little balls of brie in toasted walnuts. Kind of amazing. And by amazing I mean fattening.



Mmmm. I gave these to my nurses at the local hospital's Outpatient Center.



I've decided that I don't hate asparagus, I just hate steamed asparagus. Which is all I knew for 15 years. Tragic, I know. I've tried half a dozen different ways of cooking them. Favorites so far:

1. Cover them in olive oil and kosher salt and lots and lots of ground black pepper and roast them in the oven on a baking sheet for 7-10 min. (depending on thickness; check often. overcooked asparagus are so sad and flimsy.) at around 400 degrees.

2. Sauteing them with a bit of butter (or oil), garlic, pepper, salt, parmesan, and (I swear this is better than it sounds) pistachios.



Chile-rubbed shrimp with toasted walnuts and parm. The nuts add a nice. . .nutiness. Hey. I never promised you insightful captions.



Plated.


. . .and I'll let you know how the New Years Eve Dinner recipes turn out. Pinkie-swear.

Four Days of Culinary Mayhem

Okay okay. I know. I've been slackin'. Big time. But I've had so much on my plate. (Or. . .nothing on my plate.) Instead of frying bacon I've been studying Bacon. Seriously. Look:



And as much as the inductive method tickles my pickle, I'd rather be (insert a joke re:eating pickles here). What follows is an abbreviated account of the past few days' kitchen activities. Hold on to your chef hats.

First, though, I want you to meet my sous-chef, Jake:



He went to a v. prestigious culinary school and double majored in heavy breathing and counter-cruising. He is a huge asset (and by asset, I really mean ass) in the kitchen.

Night one: Paprika yogurt shrimp and avocado.



Every time I come home, all I want to do is cook shrimp. This is mostly because there is no fish counter at Eddie's Market and I'm too lazy to walk to Giant. But also because I really love shrimp.

And then. . .Thanksgiving. This is my absolute favorite traditional dish my family makes. Because it involves sweet potatoes



and butter and sugar



and butter and sugar drenched sweet potatoes



How can you go wrong, really? Especially once you add marshmallows.

Here's the turkey-lurkey:



And here's my pre-gravied plate (full, but in a good way).



VICTORY.



I have a pretty hilarious picture of my mother post-Thanksgiving meal with this shocked, Oh-holy-hell-I-just-consumed-4,000-calories-in-one-sitting look on her face, but she would kill me if I posted it. And that would be highly tragic, seeing how I can't blog from the dead. Cook, maybe. But not blog.

Then, the next day, I broke out my rolling pin and hit my mother on the butt repeatedly. Because that's how I roll. (See how many cooking puns I've had to keep to myself? It's bordering on unhealthy.) Then I washed it off and made some gingerbread.

SHINY BATTER.



MARBLE BATTER.



BATTERED BATTER.



Batch 1:



I was going to make some comment about my love for soft, fat brown men but then it felt strangely racially charged, so forget I said anything.

Then came Mr. Squash. He was a pretty seedy character.



Let's un-sketchify him. Look at the artistic way the squash guts are illuminated. Obviously this is proof of my photographic genius. I should just drop out of school now and photograph zuchinni for the rest of my life.



The end result: delicious roasted seeds and an a-may-zing butternut squash puree. (I agree with PW: try it, or I'll deck ya! Though I'd add a splash of 1/2 and 1/2 and a bit of cinnamon. )



Thanksgiving Take Two:



This is my mother's plate. She is a side junkie.



And finally, the conclusion to my break: Pumpkin cake with whiskey cream! (Skip the raisins. Please. There's nothing worse than a cake full of invasive, dried-up grapes. Except maybe genocide and cancer.)

Ahhh. Greek yogurt and Jack Daniels. What could be better?



Greek yogurt and Jack Daniels in a 9x13 pan--that's what.



Mmmmmm.



The whole time I was cooking, I noticed that a certain someone was quite interested in the proceedings.



I think this is because one time we had to give Jake pumpkin puree to stop him from shitting liquid. And on that delicious note. . .

'til next time! Keep your friends close and your gravy closer.

I do whatever I like.

Brief recap:



. . .I said it was brief.

I also made a leftover sausage/onion/apple dish and mashed potatoes. But, alas, my camera is in Bmore. I know. I know. Let's bear this incredible burden together.

. . .

OK. We did it. Moving on.

Yesterday I flew home to Tampa, and immediately went shopping at Publix. I originally went with the intention of making almond-crusted shrimp cakes with lemon soy mayonnaise. But then I realized: I won't do whatever you like. And my name is not Nicole. Please don't loosen up my buttons, babe. etc.

Pussycat jokes aside, I really was not in love with the idea of shrimp cakes. I was head-over-heels, however, with the bacon/almond/shrimp combo. So I hijacked the recipe for my own devices:



YUM.

I sauteed the shrimp with semi-random amounts of the best ingredients: 3 strips of bacon, 1/2 a can of almonds (chop 'em rough), a big pile of scallions and cilantro, s&p, and 2 cloves of garlic. Don't forget the garlic. Don't ever forget the garlic.
+
Spring greens w/raspberry dressing (raspberries, sugar, olive oil, balsamic vinegar).
+
Mashed potatoes drizzled with the lemon-soy mayonnaise. So. So. So. Good.


Ahhhh, 4 burners! How I've missed you.

I know, I know. I know.

I've been gone almost a month. Never has radio silence been so deafening!

Contrary to appearances, I actually have been cooking. It's just that I've also been dancing and socializing and sometimes sleeping and learning about Copernicus and action potentials and anapests, so my salmon and mashed po commentaries--such as they may be--took a backseat.

But no longer! My double burner has gotten a lot of action recently (oh how I miss my clever cooking double entendres). For instance:








I have a lot of things to say re:the sensitivity of college dorm fire alarms (hmm), the trouble with having only 2 inches of counter space, and the alarming quickness with which milk turns sour in our fridge, but that's all for another day.

For now, here is an easy and charmingly spicy off-the-cuff chicken pasta dish (seen above) that I threw together a few minutes ago (well, technically last night. if you count the marinade. which I don't.).

Two chicken breasts marinated in:

3 spoonfuls of salsa
black pepper
chili powder to taste
1/2 a lemon
2 cloves garlic
enough plain yogurt to cover everything

Let it sit overnight.

Then, sear the chicken + all the yogurt mixture in a pan w/olive oil. A minute before you take off the chicken, add 1/2 a cup of sharp shredded cheddar cheese and an extra spoonful of salsa. Mix. Pour over pasta.


mmm. Look at that double burner action.

The difference between college cooking and home cooking is that at home I would have bought lovely plum tomatoes and onions and basil and jalepenos. Now I buy a jar of Tostitos salsa. Cooking in my dorm has taught me all kinds of cheap tricks, and my current favorite--yogurt as a base for all sorts of chicken marinade--has served me well.

Later, gators.

The Last Supper

. . .well, not the last last supper. But my last dinner here in Florida for a few months. Enjoy my beautiful blue and white flatware while you can. It only goes downhill from here. Maybe not as low as paper plates, but still.



Peppercorn Salmon (easy. not too peppery. major yum.)
Mashed po

----

And some lovely creamed corn:

4 ears of corn
3/4 cup of half & half
1 tsp flour (to thicken!)
1 tb butter
lots of pepper, salt + fresh chives to taste

I tried cooking the corn off the cob, so I sliced it first, then simmered it for 7 minutes with just enough water (you can always drain some off later, so don't freak out about it), butter, salt + pepper. Heat the 1/2 & 1/2 and flour up separately, until boiling. Then let everything cool off a bit. Go read a magazine. Dust the piano. Whatever. Then, dump half of the cooked corn + the 1/2 & 1/2 mixture into a blender. Give it a whirl. Mix the remaining cooked corn and the cream from the blender. Add chives and more pepper. Reheat, if needed.

You can always add less or more of the cooked corn to the blender, depending on how chunky you want the creamed corn to be.

---

The green thing looming at the back of my plate in the above picture is a ginormous artichoke. I think some people are scared of artichokes, because they look rather large and unfriendly and inedible. But they're gentle beasts. Really. All you have to do is boil them for 45 minutes to an hour 15 minutes (depending on the size), then dig in. Some people like lemon/butter or mustard sauces to dip the leaves in, but I'm not a big fan.

That's all. For now!

Easy Paninis

I was going to title this post "Paninis To Make When You Have Lots Of Random Food In Your Fridge And Need To Get Rid Of It All," but somehow that doesn't have the same ring to it.

I'm leaving in a few days for school, so I needed to get rid of

fresh rosemary
frozen chicken breasts
1/2 roll of goat cheese
shallots

. . .lucky for me (and you) these ingredients are super harmonious.

First, I cut the chicken into sandwich-happy pieces. No. Wait. Backup. First, I let the chicken thaw. Was that implied? Anyway, then I minced 3 cloves of garlic, chopped up 2 sprig-things of rosemary, mixed both of them with a whole lot of red wine, and marinated the chicken. I didn't forget pepper and salt and neither will you. While the olive oil was heating in the pan, I started cutting up the bread and stuffing each sandwich with goat cheese and tomatoes, like so:



Then, I cooked the chicken. Crazy stuff. Maybe one day I'll make Easy Raw Chicken Paninis, but that day is not today. Or tomorrow, even.



At first, I had a minor panic attack re:the chicken's color. But then I realized that it was purple-ish because of the wine, not because of fungi or mad chicken disease or whatever. What a relief.

When the chicken was done, I added it + some chopped shallots to the sandwiches, and stuck them into this thing:


. . .which basically smooshes and heats sandwiches and, somehow, makes them taste 1290x more delicious. I like this appliance, but it's kind of similar to those awful waffle makers where you have to stand over the thing waiting desperately for the little light to turn green. Also, the Snackster doesn't have an on button, which I find weird and sort of dangerous.

Anyway:



YUM.

The point of this post is not really for you to run out and buy goat cheese and chicken and rosemary, but to prove to myself (and you) that it is totally worth it to buy a 3 cup package of a fresh ingredient for a recipe that only requires 1 cup, because you can always throw something together a few days later. For example, the shallots I've been cooking with for the past 3 days were required for a chile-lime butter that used less than half a shallot.

You just got served. Literally! Sort of.